02.09.2014

Love It! Who needs someone anyways?

We all know that the main ingredient two humans need to get attracted to each other (and possibly fall madly in love) is, you guessed it, mutual interests they have to share. 
By the way, sometimes couplings can be made up of more than two persons, but for simple logistics we‘ll leave the experimental stuff aside for now and concentrate on the conventional pairing of two boys, two girls …ahhh, what the hell, even a boy and a girl will do get our pint across. I am feeling a bit open-minded today, so feel free to broaden your horizon as well.


Now, assume you meet at a bar, on the street or while cruising around at an airport. What we instantly look for is, of course, an attractive shell. But once we notice if someone is good-looking (and by God, some people have a real interesting view on what they consider pretty or gorgeous - believe me, I‘ve seen the most hideous creatures and someone was actually dating them, nevertheless pleasuring them as well ... disgusting stuff), we have to dig a little bit deeper. A handsome face can only hold your attention for so long and that means: not very long. There has to be more than meets the eye to make a lasting impression. If we get past appearances, we might want to look for conversational skills, humour, deep thoughts, wisdom in general, an ability to reflect  oh what the fuck, a brain must be attached to that smoldering fierce boy/girl/he/she/it you desire, that struts along your way.

Through the years we have learned to be happy with crumbles of intellect. 
Someone can spell their name correct? Count us horny enough to start a three year relationship. It‘s the small things that matter, though not entirely `small` we secretly pray all along while desperately searching for a better person to do the nasty with.
According to our internalized categories that will/and/or/have to make this one special and one of a kind, we get blinsided by what's actually important: the above mentioned mutual interests and things that you can laugh, cry, debate, argue about, after that first flickering flame of desire and passion has long been vanished. 
Sexual tension, just to make that perfectly clear for those in utter denial, will NOT last an eternity! Just accept that you will - sooner rather than later - loose interest in any bedroom shenanigans with the person you spend your time with e.g. the one you are supposed to love and cherish and cuddle with and blablabla. 
But worry not, this is absolutely normal, in fact it is vital to build upon the more interesting and exciting parts of your future relationship: the one you want to have staying power for once. And by the way: nobody said anything about not getting your groove on with someone else to release that tension in your loins, right?!

Humans tend to look around for a partner as if it were the holy grail not to be missed. And while doing so we - the love hungry idiots we are - have a clear vision of what that special someone has to be like and mostly fall into the trap of mentioning what a possible spouse unfortunately doesn’t offer to make it last. 
Sure, it is always easier to point out shortcomings instead of the achievements and distinctive features that one might possess. But this will not make it any easier - in fact, you will only get bitter and lonely and become a desperate fool for love, constantly whining and complaining and being a fucking mess that NOBODY wants to get close to. That is a fact and you are welcome to look it up or double-check it in any encyclopedia. Go ahead.
For those who are here to learn a thing or two, I give you this advice (it's free, so just take it): Dear readers, because I am an expert in criticizing everything, everyone and my mother (it’s genetic, I can’t help it), I'll tell you: in this day and age it is increasingly difficult to amaze and do something no one has ever done or shown before. And in order to surprise and stand out from the rest, a person must be creative and unconventional. They probably have to do the Conga in a grocery store while simultaneously serving freshly baked cupcakes filled with gold-sprinkled cherries and recite Shakespeare in ten different languages, all the while being dressed in an outrageous and shimmering Star Trek fleet outfit. If they can teleport me/you from A to B for the price of a simple smile, well, me/you would be eternally smitten and we would reduce ourselves to be their sex kittens, asap. 
But this is only a fantasy and will surely never happen so you need to learn learned to let go of expectations and requirements. Those only lead to disappointment and you will end a up a bitter queen.

In conclusion: Suck it up, stop dreaming and erase those perfect relationship ideas. 
You only get what you give. So take a long, hard and good look in the mirror and ask yourself: who the fuck would like to spend the rest of their miserable life with someone as pathetic as you are, huh? 
That most likely will do the trick of getting you firmly and quickly seated back into reality. 

And one last advice, from one friend to another: Stop moaning, weeping and complaining too much as of now! It is the single most unatrractive trait one can inhabit and therefore will not, I repeat, WILL NOT GET YOU LAID, EVER!!!!!! 
That's just the nature of the game and if you unleash the beast you are bound to get bitten (wow, I just threw up in my mouth reading that last line … but for the sake of entertainment, I’ll leave it for you to chew on). 
Good luck.

1 Kommentar:


  1. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an really long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn't appear. Grrrr... well I'm not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just wanted to say fantastic blog! gmail login

    AntwortenLöschen